On Returning

Coming back to Maroc, I wasn't entirely sure how I would feel. Being at home felt like... being at home. I quickly got accustomed to showering everyday, wearing clean clothes, and looking presentable. I felt quite sure of myself every time I stepped out. When I was on my last connecting flight back here, it kind of hit me. I became stressed and unsure of myself, my language, or my ability to do any of the projects I told people back home I was working on. I sulked. I let myself sulk, then as I travelled back to my site, I saw the beauty that is Maghrib. I felt the culture and I felt the people. I became reassured of myself with every person I talked to.. minus a tourist I ran into on my last leg back to site. Long story short... it's a shame when people see me with a tourist and expect that we are friends because their actions then reflect on me. The tourist was quite odd, the kind of odd that laughs a little too long and watches a little too long. After a long taxi ride through the mountain passes I became more and more uncomfortable with the fact that I had to play translator and something of a dignitary. The volunteer I replaced told me just to stay away from tourists as tourist/local relations can sometimes become strained and you find yourself in the middle. Oh, how right he was. Had a couple other run-ins that were worse than this, but from now on I am avoiding travellers at many a cost.
Do I want to help travellers? Yes, I do, but if it comes at the expense of my own reputation I worked hard for, then no. I told the tourist today that he can do what he wishes as it is his vacation, but this is my life. He seemed to understand.
I was driven directly to my house, and took my bags in to start unpacking a little and already heard a knock on my door 5 minutes later. It was my landlord's son and he asked me over for lunch. I told him I was sorry and that I had already eaten but Thank You. He was stubborn but he understood. I was not at all surprised to have recieved a meal invitation so quickly after my vacation. I am sure to have many more. It is that kindness which I missed so much. It is that kindness that sets (at least) rural Morocco apart from the world I know. It is that kindness that reinforces my agenda to serve, help, and educate here.
Anywho, I am about to go back out to see the people I love, the ones who took me in and made me their friend and family member. I will hopefully have more to come soon. While I was home, many people asked me to blog, and I thought it before to be trivial, but I want to try my best to blog. So, first day, first entry. Life is good.
L.P. Butz